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licking stars off ceilings : the zine
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| order "i knew a motherfucker like you and she said.." |
[17 Nov 2009|01:31pm] |
I KNEW A MOTHERFUCKER LIKE YOU AND SHE SAID...
edited by clementine cannibal and written by
anonymous, arielle, casey jean, christine stoddard, clementine cannibal, cocoa puss, emmy, katie deee, katie jacobson, kira swales, kitty pryde, lola, nikki love, nish is rani, sarah montoro and show-n-tel
price: $2 plus $1 for mailing
it has 16 contributors, all grrrls writing about things we know we're "not supposed" to talk about. the pieces are diverse in content, ranging from erotica and sexy stories, to rants, to personal stories and reflection, to poetry. topics include bodies, touch, sexual violence, psych wards, alienation, menstruation, tattoos, love and life. just to name a few of the topics these talented writers touch on. overall, it's a zine that shows you there are many ways to be a grrrl, that you should be proud to be a grrrl and that despite how fucked up life can get we are survivors and nothing can stop us. i'm not gonna lie, the zine turned out fuckin amazing! i would not want to fuck with these grrrls! we take on life furiously and passionately, seeking pleasure, surviving pain, getting pissed off, speaking our hearts and minds and living like right now is really worth it. and it is.
(i'm currently looking for submissions for the next issue of this zine, so i thought i'd make it easier for grrrls to get their hands on #1)
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| licking stars off ceilings eleven |
[15 Nov 2009|10:41pm] |
NEW: licking stars off ceilings #11 $1.50
this issue was sort of a spiritual journey for me. it is primarily about sex, death, violence and the struggle toward a meaningful, spiritually connected life. it is about the sex i really want and really enjoy. it's about the sexual advances i don't want. it's about my own violent cannibalistic fantasies. it's about my experiences at the hands of real violence. i write about the death of my pedophilic grandfather and what he did to me 10 years ago. it's about fucking and loving men who deal with death first hand, and how i feel about that. primarily it's a zine about finding the goddess again and moving forward on my journey, with honesty. it's a stark little zine, mostly text with a few small drawings of spiritual visions.
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| "I Knew A Motherfucker Like You And She Said..." #2, CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS |
[02 Nov 2009|08:51am] |
hey everyone! in the summer i posted a call for submissions for the 1st issue of my new compilation zine of writing by grrrls, about topics we feel we aren't allowed or encouraged to write about in most places. the zine was a huge success! 16 contributors wrote about a ton of topics including sexual violence, relationships, menstrual products, s/m, sexuality, and feminism. it was amazing. and now i'm getting ready to start working on #2. i've already received one submission and i've heard from others that they are interested in submitting. i'm hoping the zine will come out february-ish, so try to get your pieces into me by mid-december, the sooner the better of course so i can start working on it. write what you really want to say, write what matters to you, write the things that are hard, write the things that you want to celebrate, write what you get called a bitch for saying, write the things they told you to shut up about.
for more info on the zine check out:
http://sites.google.com/site/clementinecannibal/iknewamotherfuckerlikeyouandshesaid
and to order the zine go here:
http://sites.google.com/site/clementinecannibal/zines
now, here's the original call for submissions to get you inspired:
submissions wanted for a new grrrl/bitch/go fuck yourself kind of zine
i'm nearing completion of the 10th issue of my perzine licking stars off ceilings and i've been thinking about a new project to work on as well as my perzine. basically, i want to create a compilation zine of writing by grrrls ... but with a certain "theme" or "motif" if you will.
the zine is going to be called "i knew a motherfucker like you and she said..." which is a line from a guns n roses song. the idea behind the zine is grrrls writing honestly, unabashedly, and unapolegtically about things that matter to us. i am most especially interested in that which is surpressed, labeled as "bad" or "hushhush"... i want a space where grrrls can write openly and honestly without fear of judgement and express all kinds of (sometimes contradictory) thoughts and feelings.
i am not interested in painting women as either "victim" "virgin" or "whore"... i am interested in showing how we are often all of these and manymany more and other things. i am not interested in painting women as anything, i just want a place where we can say the shit we aren't supposed to say or aren't allowed or encouraged to say.
topics might include: rocknroll, punkrock, music in general, sex, pleasure, relationships, violence, sexual violence, drug or alcohol use or abuse, masturbation, ambition, partying, anger, feelings about your body, ways to "riot" or fight back, feelings of grrrl solidarity or feelings of alienation, experiences of humiliation or being "made an example of", things that really matter to you, things that piss you off, experiences with your period, learning about sex: the things you wish you'd known back then, experiences with stds, birth control, reproductive choice, abortion: medical and/or "natural", experiences with work, dealing with grrrl jobs such as retail, service jobs, sex work of various kinds, or trying to "make it" in male dominated jobs or neither or both, mental "health" or "unhealth", or "gofuckyourself i AM healthy", experience with psychwards and that whole psych world, being called or considered crazy/hysterical/emotional/fucked up, living in a world that promotes girlhate, sexual harassment, pedophelia, times when people threatened you or fucked with you and how you felt and so on.
basically anything you really want to say, things that matter you, that you want to share with other grrrls but most importantly: things that you know you couldnt "get away" with just anywhere, but with a chorus of grrrrls and bitchs behind you it makes you feel better about it! thats the feel i want for this zine. not that we have to agree, just that we are making room to say shit that matters to us.
i'm open to all sorts of forms of writing, including poetry, rants, essay style, fiction, personal stories, erotica, reviews of shit you like or hate, and so on. anything you really want to say. be a MOTHERFUCKER about it.
my email address is:
lickingstarsoffceilings@hotmail.com
send any submissions to my email including any info (name, contacts, your zine(s), or whatever else you want included with your piece) to my email. and dont be afraid to ask me any questions.
xo clementine cannibal
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| thanks |
[30 Oct 2009|04:26pm] |
thanks to the grrrls who left comments on my last entry. it's a fucked up thing and i need to talk about it. the entry is going to be reprinted in fallopian falafel's upcoming issue on sexual violence. i'm happy to contribute my story to this amazing zine. you grrrls should check it out, and maybe submit to the upcoming issue if you have something to say about sexual violence: http://fallopianfalafel.blogspot.com/
i don't have answers but i have questions, i'm crazy with feelings and nothingness right now. i'm hoping and praying hardcore, i'm trying to find myself, find the grrrrl i am, the one who is dead fuckin pissed off, the one who knows what she wants and what she deserves.
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| hearts crossed out |
[18 Oct 2009|03:32pm] |
just to let everyone know:
when i was 12 my grandfather forcibly made out with me.
he was an incestuous pedophile who terrorized me, my sister and my 2 girl cousins throughout our childhoods.
he died this year, free and happy and comfortable. he assaulted me ten years ago as i am now 22.
i went up to the cottage, the place of my childhood, the faerie land of my dreams, where he assaulted me, where i haven't been since the police got involved when i was 15 (7 years ago).
it was so strange being there, so strange that everything is still there: the lake, the trees, the sky, the land. it is all still there. it was me who was gone.
i kept expecting to see him around every corner, but i didn't because he is dead.
i went into the bathroom, the bathroom where he assaulted me, and sitting next to the sink was a cup that said "number one grampa". with a heart.
i wanted to puke. i wanted to X out the heart.
incest is such a fucked up thing.
i am so scared (sure) that my father is going to be just like him.
my father said something while we were there, something about how he couldn't wait for his grandkids to be born.
i feel panic rushing up all around me.
i want to be a mother so bad. i want kids. i want a family.
i want my mother to be a part of my children's life. a big part.
but i don't want them to see my father, i am so scared of what he might do, i'm so scared of the way he acts and the slippery way that incest becomes normal.
when i was 12 i knew i could never let my kids see their grandfather. and i don't think it's just because of what my grandfather did, it is also the way my father acts and the way he saw nothing wrong with what my grandfather did.
my babies aren't even here yet and i am dead set on protecting them, sick with fear, panic and confusion.
i do not want this cycle to continue.
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| THE HOTTEST THING EVER |
[10 Oct 2009|12:51pm] |
i don't think anyone could ever understand how i feel about this. i find it impossible not to squeal and squirm and jump around and clap my hands when i watch this, i am totally irrational with pure joy and sexual attraction. SLASH AND COURTNEY!!!! what the fuck could be better than this????
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| i dont normally post my creative writing on my lj but right now i feel like it |
[03 Oct 2009|07:36pm] |
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there is slow motion going on inside me as i try to right the wrongs, the gravel's wet and my feet slip, slide down, i feel you next to me. i look into your eyes and i want to love you. i want to love you so bad. there is a ghost lying next to me, the incision is decision and it's decisive enough. i cough. there's blood. there's a knowing, a decaying and shattering of trust. me, this and must, must we? don't we? don't i want this? regret, chasing me down like a hunter, swift like a carcrash, like thunder, my limbs helterskelter on your unfurnished floor. my body belated, my baby cant save me and i am utterly unsure. the want, that's what i discovered. and it's pure enough. you'd think it would be easy. love, it seems so easy, but it's not. your eyes, the way they look at me, the dreams i put there. in us already. the magnificent relapse, the deadening. i can't escape my own fixation, my own desire for love.
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| random updates |
[27 Sep 2009|06:55pm] |
a piece i wrote called "chucky, chainsaws and girl survival" is going in the new issue of ax wound zine by hannah neurotica! i am very pleased to be part of this!
i got a bunch of great mail today, including a giant picture a girl name jessmin made for me as a trade for my zines. it's awesome, its of a girl's body, she's naked, curvy, with big tits and a beautiful pussy complete with pubic hair! i love it! trying to decide where to hang it up!
there is a new boy in my life and i will admit it right here so we're all clear: i am crushing hardcore. isn't it weird to have a crush? isn't it weird all the feelings it stirs up?
it's lovely, though. he's lovely.
thank you Ishtar, for all the blessings you've bestowed upon me lately. i feel like a very lucky grrrl.
i need to bury myself in school books. and i will, but i want to watch the new episode of flashpoint on the internet. i hope its up. its my favourite show. its filmed in toronto!
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| <3 |
[20 Sep 2009|12:47am] |
my website is coming along quite nicely!
i've gotten some really nice comments/mail/emails lately from awesome grrrls. it's amazing to me. i love that grrrls from all over the place are making connections, striking up a dialogue, reading each other's zines. it feels so good to know that the shit i'm writing is resonating with grrrls and inspiring them to write more, and then i read what they write and it inspires me to write more.
so thank you to all you amazing grrrls!
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| clementine cannibal's new website |
[13 Sep 2009|11:05pm] |
hey grrrls!
i've been wanting to make a paypal account for awhile and i've finally set it up. i created a little website about me and my projects and you can buy my zines through paypal there. i've upped my prices a tiny bit, but it's only to help me come close to breaking even. i always lose money on zines and i'm cool with that. it's way too important to me for me to complain about losing a bit of money. but i'm trying to cover copying and shipping as much as i can. but i will always accept trades from grrrls! remember that! i love reading girlzines more than anything!
okay so here's the website to the site:
http://sites.google.com/site/clementinecannibal
and here's the page where you can buy my zines:
http://sites.google.com/site/clementinecannibal/zines
clearly the site is a little bit lame right now and there's not a lot going on there. but i will eventually try to make it pretty and add more content.
and i am very new to paypal so hopefully it works smoothly. if any of you sell with paypal on the regular can you let me know so that i can bug you if i get confused or have problems?
xoxoxo clementine motherfuckin cannibal
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| webcams |
[22 Aug 2009|10:03pm] |
where i work.
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| things i can do/things i'm good at |
[20 Aug 2009|02:41pm] |
i wanted to write this list after i read some statistic about how, when asked what their favourite thing about themselves is, most boys named a skill and most girls listed a body part. i want grrrls to be proud of what we can DO, the active parts of ourselves, not just what we look like (something we have little control over). so i made this list to think about some things i'm proud that i can DO. you should make a list too.
- dying my own hair. my hair is my signature style. its been bright red for over four years. i get compliments and "how do you get it so bright?" all the time and i'm very proud because i do it myself, the bleaching and the dying. i have my own system. i've been dying my hair since i was thirteen so it's a skill i've mastered.
- playing guitar. i only took lessons for a couple months (i want to go back when i get money) and i'm really proud of my progress. i can sing and play at the same time. i have the persistence to keep practising even when it gets frustrating. and most of all, and what several people have said to me, i have the passion. my guitar teacher said he's seen very few people who have the drive and desire to play like i do.
- making zines. i've been publishing zines for seven years. my current zine, licking stars off ceilings, has 10 issues. my zine is one of the things i'm most proud of in my life. i have mastered the photocopier through much trial and error. i trade zines with grrrls from all over the place. i'm currently putting together the first issue of my new comp zine "i knew a motherfucker like you and she said..."
- writing. i'm a poet, a storyteller and a writer. i've "wanted to be" a writer since i was a little girl, and really, i have been a writer since i was a little girl. i love writing, i love words, the love the beautiful friction and rhythm words can create.
- sucking dick. i give amazing blowjobs. i love to do it, and when i'm in the mood the guy won't know what hit him. i give messy, sloppy blowjobs, slurping and sucking. and i deepthroat. i most especially like having my throat fucked and i can relax and not suffocate despite the difficulty breathing.
- writing essays. this is something i dont really enjoy doing and i stress about it and put it off. but i feel it belongs on the list because despite how much i procrastinate i still manage to get really good grades. i can't lie, i feel proud when i see that A.
- smoking bongs. i can take the whole fuckin thing in one hit. i have some motherfuckin lungs on me. (thanks to katryn for teaching me back in the day!)
- cooking. i am a good cook (vegetarian cooking). i love learning to new recipes and i can make up recipes on the spot based on what we have in the fridge. i can make delicious, nutritious meals. yum.
- graffiti. i use a marker to draw hole hearts (a heart with an X through it, a symbol that courtney love came up with) all over my city. i go on this toronto graffiti website and i found that a bunch of photographers have photographed my hole hearts. i love that. and i have yet to get caught by the cops. (knock on wood.)
-paddling a canoe. it has been a long time since i've done it but i know it will come back to me easily. i used to take the canoe out on the water by myself when i was eleven/twelve.
- finding the silverlining, taking lemons and making lemonaide. life has given me some pretty fucked up hands and i have played them. i am not defeated by the bad things that happen to me, i learn to integrate all parts of myself into my identity. getting psoriasis, a skin condition, and learning to love and accept it as part of me. getting beaten up and using it to fuel my writing, my zine making. using my experiences with physical and sexual violence to make connections with other grrrls and spread empowerment and honesty. i dont let the bastards grind me down.
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| for school |
[07 Aug 2009|12:33am] |
Essay Abstract
For my essay I will be comparing the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre to it's more recent remake. I will be examining key differences in the films and exploring the possibilities of decodings from female perspectives. I will be referring to the feminist text, Ax Wound Zine by Hannah Neurotica, a zine about horror movies from a feminist perspective which looks at topics of gender and taboo. I want to look at what happens when the deaths of female characters are not sexualized as they normally are in horror movies, and further, what happens when the tables are turned and the male deaths are sexualized. I am especially interested in the famous "meat hook" scene in the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the way that it is reimagined in the remake. The size of the hook has grown three times in size, as phallic weapons tend to do over time in Hollywood movies, but the twist comes with who is put on the hook. In the original a young woman in a halter top is put on the hook. The scene is incredibly violent and sexualized. In the remake it is the blond guy, presented as sexy and wearing a tanktop, who is put on the hook. This is a very noticeable change. I don't know what the reason for this change was from the director's perspective. I'm interested in what effect this change has on female viewers and whether they potentially find pleasure in viewing the violent sexualized death of a man. I will also be looking at the deaths of the other two male characters in the remake: both incredibly violent, one clearly sexualized, and I will be looking at the notable lack of sexualized violent female deaths. I also note the introduction of female members to the clan of killers.
The scene in which Erin, the sole survivor in the remake, kills her friend (the blond on the hook) as a mercy killing and then gains the confidence to attack (and symbolically castrate) Leatherface, chopping off his chainsawing arm, is also a key part of the film I will look at. I am interested in what happens when female characters are portrayed as perpetrators of violence and when male characters are portrayed as the victims of that violence. I will argue that some women may find pleasure in imagining themselves as perpetrators of violence and/or a voyeuristic pleasure in watching a man suffer. I'm not trying to argue whether these reading are moral, or even feminist. Rather, I am arguing that these readings are subversive because they go against dominant notion of women as helpless victims as men as naturally finding pleasure in violence.
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| submissions wanted for a new grrrl/bitch/go fuck yourself kind of zine |
[16 Jun 2009|12:58pm] |
i'm nearing completion of the 10th issue of my perzine licking stars off ceilings and i've been thinking about a new project to work on as well as my perzine. basically, i want to create a compilation zine of writing by grrrls ... but with a certain "theme" or "motif" if you will.
the zine is going to be called "i knew a motherfucker like you and she said..." which is a line from a guns n roses song. the idea behind the zine is grrrls writing honestly, unabashedly, and unapolegtically about things that matter to us. i am most especially interested in that which is surpressed, labeled as "bad" or "hushhush"... i want a space where grrrls can write openly and honestly without fear of judgement and express all kinds of (sometimes contradictory) thoughts and feelings.
i am not interested in painting women as either "victim" "virgin" or "whore"... i am interested in showing how we are often all of these and manymany more and other things. i am not interested in painting women as anything, i just want a place where we can say the shit we aren't supposed to say or aren't allowed or encouraged to say.
topics might include: rocknroll, punkrock, music in general, sex, pleasure, relationships, violence, sexual violence, drug or alcohol use or abuse, masturbation, ambition, partying, anger, feelings about your body, ways to "riot" or fight back, feelings of grrrl solidarity or feelings of alienation, experiences of humiliation or being "made an example of", things that really matter to you, things that piss you off, experiences with your period, learning about sex: the things you wish you'd known back then, experiences with stds, birth control, reproductive choice, abortion: medical and/or "natural", experiences with work, dealing with grrrl jobs such as retail, service jobs, sex work of various kinds, or trying to "make it" in male dominated jobs or neither or both, mental "health" or "unhealth", or "gofuckyourself i AM healthy", experience with psychwards and that whole psych world, being called or considered crazy/hysterical/emotional/fucked up, living in a world that promotes girlhate, sexual harassment, pedophelia, times when people threatened you or fucked with you and how you felt and so on.
basically anything you really want to say, things that matter you, that you want to share with other grrrls but most importantly: things that you know you couldnt "get away" with just anywhere, but with a chorus of grrrrls and bitchs behind you it makes you feel better about it! thats the feel i want for this zine. not that we have to agree, just that we are making room to say shit that matters to us.
i'm open to all sorts of forms of writing, including poetry, rants, essay style, fiction, personal stories, erotica, reviews of shit you like or hate, and so on. anything you really want to say. be a MOTHERFUCKER about it.
my email address is:
lickingstarsoffceilings@hotmail.com
send any submissions to my email including any info (name, contacts, your zine(s), or whatever else you want included with your piece) to my email. and dont be afraid to ask me any questions here or through email.
xo clementine cannibal
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